he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.