My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.