There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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