i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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