I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
