Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
