Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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