mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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