worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
