I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
