Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
