Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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