how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
