you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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