come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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