somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
