I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
