Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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