Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
