i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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