Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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