Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
