i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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