Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You need a sexual gate keeper
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
