i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
