So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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