U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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