While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
