He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my shit smells like andre
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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