my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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