the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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