I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
