Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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