I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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