I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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