I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
