You just made me feel so damn special
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
