somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
