our cab driver is having phone sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
