Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
