Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
