Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
