this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
