did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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