He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
