There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
