shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
