i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
