the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize