She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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