I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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