This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
