plz talk dirty to me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
