i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
