She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
