I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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