so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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