He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
