I'm drive I can fine osifer
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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